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I AM GRADY SIZEMORE, DESTROYER OF WORLDS: Phillies 7, Diamondbacks 5

If there's any critique of baseball to make, it's that it moves far too quickly. Fans would prefer a game that takes its time; that really conveys it's more about strategic movement than blunt force trauma. Did you know cricket has breaks for tea? Like that.

And that's why tonight's Phillies' victory over the Diamondbacks felt so natural, because there was a one hour, 17 minute hour rain delay in the middle that stretched it to a nice, interminable length. It was made just as unnatural, however, when Grady Sizemore hit his fourth hit of the night.