Charlie Morton (0-0) 0.00 ERA
PHILLIES: Morton looks to do what the other starters did before him, set the bullpen up to implode and make Phillies fans across the country a tad bit suicidal over a team that was never going to be good anyway.
Robert Stephenson (0-0) 0.00 ERA
REDS: He has a very stupid, boring name. And this is coming from someone named Chris Jones. He will probably strike out 9 over 6 innings for whatever dumb reason.
(Scouting reports definitely NOT courtesy of mlb.