It's quite clear the cancer at the center of baseball is nerds. Any time a fan reaches for a foul ball and prevents a player from making a catch? That was a nerd. A nerd tricked Curt Schilling into posting anti-Muslim memes. The Black Sox Scandal - you better believe that was conceived by some stat nerd. "Hey, Joe!" the nerd yelled, unaware of social norms like not yelling, "You know, we could make more money if you try to lose!"
Every day, nerds are gathering in our cities' sewers, wringing their hands and snickering in uneven, high-pitched tones.