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Bring Us Maikel: Pirates 7, Phillies 2

Ladies and gentlemen, your Philadelphia Phillies are now 0-1 this season without Cody Asche on the roster. This can only be considered a travesty.

But while Asche heads to work in left field in AAA, the big club trudges on without him. On this night, former Phil A.J. Burnett dominated like it was an early-aughts Phils-Marlins contest at Pro Player Stadium, en route to a 7-2 Pittsburgh win.

That's right. That guy who acted like he didn't even really want to play baseball anymore has coyly and quietly gone about his business thus far to the tune of a 1.