FIve reasons that Kenjon Barner will win the Heisman Trophy

Collin Klein, Collin Klein, Collin Klein. He's this week's Geno Smith. Even after sustaining a concussion he's "a lock" to win the Heisman Trophy, according to, like, everybody. Yes, he looks like Tim Tebow when he puts on his helmet, and his stats look like Tebow's did too. Sure, he has piloted the attack of the most surprising team in the country. It just might be true that he is equal parts Maverick, Ice Man and Marty McFly when he's running around out there, awkwardly releasing perfectly placed passes. And there's that whole Kleinapple Express/Optimus Klein nickname thing (the one where he has THE MOST AWESOME TWO NICKNAMES IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL).

But he won't win the Heisman, because Dominic Toretto, a.k.a. Oregon's Kenjon Barner, is averaging 143 yards per game and still has NOS on reserve. Want proof? Too bad. Want a hunch? Here it is, the five reasons why Kenjon Barner will win the 2012 Heisman Trophy (which matters because the world could end in December):

5. Numbers, numbers, numbers. Barner has torched more defenses than a force of medieval insurgents. Through nine games, the 5'9, 195 pound blur of a running back has amassed 1,295 yards (good for third in the nation) and is second in the country with 19 rushing touchdowns, trailing only Louisiana Tech's Kenneth Dixon. But the most staggering partof Barner's gaudy stats is that he has only had the opportunity to carry the ball in the fourth quarter twice. In fact, Oregon's offense has been so unbelievably soul-crushing that he rarely makes it to the second half. On179 carries, he's averaging a Barry Sanders-esque 7.3 yards per carry .

4. Failed pedigree. Oregon has had a couple of Heisman contenders in the last decade or so (see: Joey Harrington in 2001, LaMichael James in 2010), but none have been able to push through to the top. It's not that the voters have shown a disdain of any kind toward the Ducks, they've just gone up against some stiff competition. In '01, Harrington was invited to New York after throwing for 2,415 yards and 23 touchdowns. He was named the Pac-10's Offensive Player of the Year, was named a first team All-American, but when it came time for the bronze enshrinement, Harrington was but a blip on the voters radar. Eric Crouch won the award that year (Hey kids! Remember him!? He was the QB of the last real, live relevant

Nebraska football team. Now Huskers fans just fall back on VHS collections I assume they own that feature Tom Osbourne stalking the sidelines in awesome hats.) Then in 2010, LaMichael James was out-dueled by a tall, mobile quarterback from Auburn who wears great sweaters. In 2011, James was somehow left out of the mix after rushing for 1,700-plus, scoring 19 TDs and averaging over seven yards a carry. It's not criminal, but it is rectifiable, which brings me to my next point…

3. Collin Klein is still a relative unknown. Whether Collin Klein returns from what may or may not be a concussion is very relevant. If he doesn't, and his backup Clint Chelf has to go, one of two things can happen: Scenario A) Chelf shreds TCU's defense, keeping Kansas State at No. 2 in the BCS, which could make some voters view Klein as somewhat of a product-of-the-system kind of guy. Or B) Chelf looks horrible. The Wildcats' offense barely moves, the passing game appears to be suffering from interior hemorrhaging and Bill Snyder chews off his own foot, but Klein's worth to the team is immediately quantified. You want a third? I'd advise against it; it involves a human cannon, a circus tent and Tom Berringer. Back on topic: One scenario helps Oregon, the other helps Barner. If Klein is healthy on Saturday, however, he holds his bronzed future in his own hands. But unless he waxes the competition, to borrow part of a phrase from my man Vanilla Ice, Barner should still hold the edge. Klein has been a very consistent performer against both good and bad teams, a trait they both share. The difference between Barner and Klein, however, is that Barner is finally reaching the point in his schedule where he is allowed to play all four quarters. It's a crazy notion, but one that Collin Klein may or may not be able to keep pace with.

2. The 2,000-yard theory. Quick, a trivia question not sponsored by Aflac: Who was the last player to rush for 2,000 yards AND win the Heisman Trophy in the same year? (I'll wait, but I'm doing so impatiently because I know you're cheating. Hint: There have been 14 2,000 yard seasons and only nine of them have been honored… Alright, you lose…) The answer is Rick Williams, who did it in 1998. Before that, it was Colorado's Rashaan Salaam in 1994 and before him, Oklahoma State's Barry Sanders accomplished the double in 1988. USC's Marcus Allen was the first to accomplish the feat in 1981. Mike Rozier did it for Nebraska two years later, in 1983. Between Allen and Salaam, exactly zero running backs rushed for 2,000 yards without winning a Heisman Trophy. In between Salaam and Williams, however, there were three seasons of more than 2,000 yards that went unacknowledged by the Academy of College Excellence (my name, not theirs). But since Williams' magical 1998 campaign, their have been six seasons of 2,000 yards or more, and none have been recognized with a Heisman. Penn State's Larry Johnson was denied in 2002, in lieu of Carson Palmer. TCU's LaDanian Tomlinson missed out in 2000. J.J. Arrington got zero love for his near-seven yard per carry campaign in 2004. Guys from smaller programs, like UCF's Kevin Smith, Tulane's Matt Forte and Rutgers' Ray Rice were left out of the mix as well during their respectively impressive campaigns. But if Kenjon Barner gets to the number — or if he has the potential to reach it by the time the votes are tallied — Barner's season could be the one that breaks the 14-year drought.

1. He's the best player on the fastest, most destructive offense this side of Ever. Oregon's offense in 2012 has prompted the coach of the alleged "Best Team in the Country" to openly contemplate a rule change that would potentially slow the game down. Bill Belichick has installed elements of the Ducks offense into the most consistent offense of the last decade. Oregon leads the nation in scoring, averaging 54.3 points per game. They are second in the nation in rushing, putting up 341.2 yards per game. The Ducks offense has yet to be held under 42 points in 2012, and have scored more than 50 points in 67 percent of their games, and Kenjon Barner is one of the biggest reason's why. He is the perfect back to accentuate the perfect offensive machine. He is the oil in the engine, he makes it go. The way he plays within the offense more closely resembles a dance performance, or something to be valued as art, than it does actual football. So, if nothing else, if Oregon continues to act like the West Coast's Attila the Hun, Barner should win the Heisman, sort of like how Lord of the Rings: Return of the King won an Oscar for Best Picture. Was it awesome on its own? Yes. But more than anything else, it was the best piece in an incredible series.

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