The above picture shows the uniforms that Polo Ralph Lauren provided for the United States Olympic athletes to wear during the 2012 Summer Olympics Opening Ceremonies. There were several problems with these outfits.
Chiefly, these outfits make our athletes look like flight attendants who take their job too seriously. In addition, they are flat out un-American because well, they look French. Not to mention that they weren't even made in America. That's right, Polo Ralph Lauren had the clothes made in China. People were not very happy with the nerdish prep school look that our athletes were forced to dawn in London.
Our sources deep within the Olympic Outfit Committee (OOC) informed us that there were, however, several alternative options presented by Ralph Lauren. The sources, whose names we cannot reveal, gave us a look at these top secret rejected apparel options.
Take a look for yourself, and decide what the United States Olympians should have been wearing.
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When Ralph Lauren decided to go with the suit look, this is what their original blueprints resembled. For some unknown reason they ditched the stars and stripes idea. Quite an unfortunate revision.
Think of how patriotic our Equestrian and Shooting teams could have looked in these duds.
United States Track and Field athletes could have warmed up for crucial events wearing track suits like these. These suits are perfectly sensible for track and field - they are stylish, patriotic and most importantly practical.
Being fast on the track requires proper footwear. These shoes could have helped American runners leave their opponents in the dust, but for some reason where turned down.
The male swimmers could have been outfitted in these lightning fast swim bottoms. A lightweight material that creates little to no drag in the water, these bottoms could have helped our male swimmers get that extra advantage in the pool. Men's diving could have also sported these aerodynamic shorts.
Fashion is always more important for the ladies, so naturally this outfit was one of the top options for both the women's swimming and beach volleyball teams.
Gymnasts have gotten all into the full body spandex recently. To go along with the latest trend, this suit was designed as an option. Unfortunately, the gymnasts had doubts about their inability to see out of these suits.
If Softball was still an Olympic sport the USA squad would be showing off these sweet uniforms.
American Tennis stars Andy Roddick and Serena Williams had dreams of supporting their country at Wimbledon wearing these kicks. However the more conservative minded Wimbledon higher-ups disagreed.
There was a time when Chuck Taylor's were legitimate options for the elite NBA players. Unfortunately, that time has passed. Chuck Taylor presented these sweet kicks to try and get back into the basketball industry, but the Dream Team guys decided to go with Nike.
I really don't see why the USA Boxing team didn't add these to their wardrobe.
Taekwondo instructor Rex from Napoleon Dynamite showed us all how true USA martial arts fighters should dress.
Ralph Lauren was kind enough to design these outfits, called "The Bieber," for our friends to the north, who clearly might be feeling a little more American than Canadian during the Summer Games.
Finally, this outfit was designed for United States athletes who wanted to get out and explore London, like any regular tourist would do. Notice the handy USA fanny pack for easy storage.