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Satire: Commissioner Goodell to new draftees: “don’t make me do stuff”

To prepare for the NFL draft kicking off Thursday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has been making changes.

Goodell recently announced that the NFL main office would no longer be tax-exempt. Even though this change will be minor, since all NFL teams are already taxable, Goodell said he wanted to remove the tax-exempt status because it was a “distraction.”

This shift, as well as Goodell’s promise to take player conduct more seriously, comes as a move to restore some of the positive opinion lost recently to the League’s uneven handling of cases of domestic abuse, illegal substances, and potential rule infractions like the Patriots’ infamous “Deflategate.