If you haven't been following every twist and turn of the Michigan sign-stealing scandal over the last week, I'm here to help.
The operative word help in this case comes in 148 point font quotation marks, and to further underline that I don't intend to take any of this seriously, I strongly recommend that you play this song in the background while reading this week's Threat Level. Loudly, and on a loop.
Anyway:
The Michigan Wolverine football program coach JIM HARBAUGH's intricate system of advanced AI electronic espionage software, codenamed OKORN (Observational Komputational Offensive Reconnaissance Network), has been exposed to the public via the actions of a rouge Navy SEAL sniper named CONNOR STALIONS.