Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there... but specifically mine, who is objectively the best mother in the world. (I am the only person who will say that today on the internet.)
To those graduating from The Ohio State University today: Why? Why did you do that, you big idiot? Only pain and decay await you now.
ICYMI: The men's lacrosse team whooped two-time defending Duke on its own turf last night in the opening round of the NCAA tournament, and Jeff Heuerman tore his ACL in his first weekend of professional practice and is out for the year.