Penn State football, on another timeline where everything is good, is an unopened 19th century time capsule rotting in whatever nondescript pile of dirt Pennsylvania pioneers buried it.
On this timeline, however, the Big Ten opened that capsule in 1990. We expected gold bricks. Instead, we got Joe Pa's unused adult diaper, a handful of wooden nickels, the last string of floss to ever grace Western Pennsylvania, and a rusted revolver last fired during the Civil War.
But what's done is done, and here we stand on the cusp of another Ohio State–Penn State banger in the place called "Happy Valley.