I'm not sure what being slow actually means anymore.
As with many other things in my life, sports has pretty much ruined my ability to see life through a subjective lens. If a person attempting to run real fast isn't literally Usain Bolt or if a person trying to swim real good isn't Katie Ledecky, then my gila monster brain assumes that they must suck at whatever athletic feat they're involved in.
That is maybe my favorite play by an Ohio State quarterback of all time, but if I'm being truthful, it's in part because my dumb ass laughs out loud at how absurd J.