It was that or “Avast ye swarthy lads!” as my pirate vocabulary is limited. So you haven’t experienced absurdity until you have watched my Aunt Bertha play softball. She plays second base, mostly because when the first game started she was chugging a beer near the 2B bag and no one wanted to take the time to wait for her to move anywhere else. So they told her to stay where she was and pretended they were shifting up the middle on purpose.
First disaster comes when the pitcher is trying to start a routine DP but as the shortstop starts to throw he is tackled by my Aunt Bertha, whose idea of an apology is, “I was just trying to help.