Alternate Headline: The Complete Case For A Violin
How about this one?
Anyhoo...
The Eyeball Scout "calls ‘em as he sees ‘em" — in fact, despite his best efforts to gain friends and avoid enemies, the Eyeball Scout has no choice. It is an essential element of his very being that the Eyeball Scout must be honest and forthright in his analysis, even if it costs him Xmas cards and Chanukah gifts from the families of certain ballplayers. The Eyeball Scout also tends to spend entire paragraphs referring to himself in the third person.