It’s lucky that the eyes are among the most adaptable and resilient organs. Friday night’s game had the Eyeball Scout gouging out his left eyeball with a rusty pair of scissors, then the second half of Saturday’s game forced the Eyeball Scout to grab a nearby serrated knife and carve a "sad emoji" design into his right eyeball.
The last two games have left A’s fans with natural questions, such as: Why can’t the Eyeball Scout get new scissors and more practical silverware? It is precisely queries like this that the Eyeball Scout intends to fully ignore while discussing specific players.