Son (or as I commonly refer to you on the Internet, #BabyTex–yes, you have a hashtag),
The last time I channeled a How I Met Your Mother bit three years ago, I wrote it as if I were talking to my future hypothetical children. A lot has changed since January of 2013. Firstly, the ending of that piece couldn’t have been more wrong. To quote Deadspin later in that same month, I got that thing 80% correct.
Anyways, a lot of more important things have changed since that time. Namely, your mother and I got married and welcomed you into the world.