I hired a private detective agency that cost me $500,000 — one paycheck from the Phillies — to have their PIs follow umpires around so I could uncover dirt that I could use against them. Some of them like to gamble. Some of them like to do blow. Some of them like p- - -y. Some of them like dudes. I’m telling you, everyone’s got something they don’t want the world to know, and umpires are certainly no exception.
Take the case of one veteran umpire. I don’t want to name him because he’s retired and there’s no point in dragging his name through the dirt.