David Villa was the first victim of VAR. Before you know it, we’ll all be vivisected and converted into plasma fuel for impossible doomsday machines.

‘Twas the night They drove old Guaje down. ‘Twere that nefarious, capital-T They that done it, They that hardwired SkyNet, launched a war by cloning the everloving shit out of Jango Fett, and sanded the insidious corners of the Borg Cube. ‘They’ cannot be defeated; resisting them only ratchets up the acuity of the inevitable torment destined to beset us all.

Yes, on the evening of February 18th, New York City FC majordomo David Villa gave the Houston Dynamo’s AJ DeLaGarza what ought to have been a tidy, discreet whack to the face.