As I pen (well, I’m really typing) these words about how the New Orleans Pelicans could use one heck of a revolutionary, I’m wearing a sleeveless shirt emblazoned with the face of a majestic bald eagle and drinking the stiffest coffee money can buy. As the day progresses, I’ll be chowing down on some delicious hot dogs and drinking only the finest American beer. That’s right, buds; it’s Independence Day.
As a service to my fellow man and posterity, I have chosen to write these immortal words that will surely be remembered and recited on every Fourth of July forever more before indulging in such quintessentially American pleasures.