It’s been a while. Time to dust off the conspiracy theories, nickname generators and test my girlfriend’s patience over the next few months. The offseason started with the excitement of unclasping your first bra (we actually did remove a piece of unnecessarily bad clothing), but has since been tempered by bad brand building decisions and the injury bug that seems to just keep skipping on the needle like a scratched record. It’s cool though, I just lit some mountain sage, boiled some eye of newt, listened to a Judas Priest record backwards (and it still isn’t good), mowed my lawn in full King Diamond makeup, took a morning after pill and removed my own wonky knee cap with an Abita root beer bottle cap in a ritual designed to refurbish Tyreke’s knee.
From Behind the Bar: A Stream of Consciousness Pelicans Season Preview
