Shocking development from SEC Media Days, as SEC Commissioner Greg Skanky announced that several vials of what has been determined to be weaponized SLOW was found at satellite camps run by Big Ten schools. Skanky went on to say that this was evidence the Big Ten had other means by which to deliver the weapon, including Chik-Fil-A sandwiches, trained raccoons and online video games involving dragons.
Accused of being slower than everyone for years, the Big Ten conference has a noted advantage in understanding the phenomenon and according to a SEC biogernerntics expert, the SLOW they’ve found is more virulent than other SLOW they’ve seen in the past.