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Entire Nation Tunes Into Sporting Event To Complain About Non-Sports Issues

Zach Smith is watching the Super Bowl for the commercials.

“I can’t wait to bag on the ones that aren’t showing enough inclusivity.”

He’s heard that Anheuser-Busch is bringing back their old standby Clydesdale horses for their commercials. “That’s great! I love the Cyldesdales, but if they don’t mention mixed-race families I’m going to dump my Budweiser out on the bar, try to start a boycott and leave the place screaming.”

“It’s a shitty beer and I won’t miss it anyways. It’s not craft enough”, he says under his breath.

Elijah Joseph is watching to see whether Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine is going to kneel or jump more than five times during his half-time performance.