[cold open]
COLUMBUS POLICE OFFICER #1: My god, it’s happened again.
COLUMBUS POLICE OFFICER #2: What the hell is this world coming to? Look what they did to this poor bastard.
VICTIM: Hey, I’m right here. They didn’t kill me.
CPD #1: Makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, look at his face. That’s a face that’d make your mother puke in a trash can.
VICTIM: Okay, this is really hurtful, actually, they didn’t do anything to my face, I was reporting a robbery, and-
CPD #2: [staring out over a gritty Columbus, Ohio skyline] This city used to be great.