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URBAN MEYER: BUCKEYE DETECTIVE

[cold open]

COLUMBUS POLICE OFFICER #1: My god, it’s happened again.

COLUMBUS POLICE OFFICER #2: What the hell is this world coming to? Look what they did to this poor bastard.

VICTIM: Hey, I’m right here. They didn’t kill me.

CPD #1: Makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, look at his face. That’s a face that’d make your mother puke in a trash can.

VICTIM: Okay, this is really hurtful, actually, they didn’t do anything to my face, I was reporting a robbery, and-

CPD #2: [staring out over a gritty Columbus, Ohio skyline] This city used to be great.