THE USC TROJAN RECEIVES A VISITOR

Poolside, Malibu. USC relaxes in yellow bathing trunks. The sound of the breeze and the inconsistent strokes of poolboy skimming the surface of the water.

Then: USC senses someone watching him. Without turning to look.

USC: No. No, no, no, no, no.

USC turns to look, and laughs for twenty seconds straight.

USC: Jesus, take that thing off, you’re embarrassing yourself. Skew function much?

Chargers: I thought it made me look younger.

USC: Like you strapped clip art to your face, man.