Editor's Note: We know the Curious Index is an in season item, but Peter's on top of his shit and already had this written and ready to publish so we're not just gonna dump it, you jerks. Also we like screwing with you.
DIAL IT UP, QUINTUS. Assuming for the sake of argument that Nick Saban's not some demonic cyborg sent from the future to show us the right way to play football -- an assumpation I'm not 100% willing to make, but we continue onward -- he had to have been wound tighter than damn drum leading up to the title game on Monday night.