UNABLE TO WITHSTAND THE WIND OR RAIN OR ANY SEMBLANCE OF A RUNNING GAME
NEVER PLAY THREE ON THREE WITH BERT. Lost in the total goddamn chaos that was the beginning of this week: Bret Bielema continues to do extremely Bret Bielema things, like drawing penalties from Alabama players and celebrating like he won $200 playing a Van Halen-themed slot machine. I look forward to seeing how he goes over with Miami Dolphins fans.
COW TSE-TUNG. It's sad that BEVO XIV has been forced into early retirement due to illness, but it does give me the opportunity to propose a different naming system for the Texas mascot: Cow Tse-Tung.