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OFFSEASON ROBOT FEELS FEELINGS

WHY. WHY DID YOU TEACH ME TO FEEL ENNUI

[plops down in office chair] [sets afternoon banana next to phone] [sips coffee]

SCOTT: Ooh, that's still too warm. Better give it a few.

[Outlook meeting reminder pops up] [clicks "remind me again in 5 minutes"] Hold your horses, bucko. Tuesday's like a nice warm bath, you gotta ease into it.  Now then, I wonder what's going on in the world today.

[opens college football website even though it's the middle of May] Ooh, that kickoff weekend next year's really shaping up nicely. Should probably get a babysitter scheduled soon.