Last week, Oklahoma President David Boren re-opened the seemingly-finally-settled issue of conference realignment by suggesting that the now-ten-team Big XII would consider once again expanding to a name-appropriate 12 teams. The hopes of mid-major schools coast to coast perked up, but with healthy TV contracts in place and existential threats to the conference mitigated, what motivated this move?
For explanation, we turn to David Boren himself, live from karaoke night at an Oklahoma Applebee's:
Put on my Big XII shoes
and I started a game
reopened the box of expansion news
and got everyone talkin' again
Connecticut and Cincy
you can look with hope to me
but I had a first-class trick planned
and it isn't what you think you see
I'm just fuckin' with Texas
fuckin' with those high-horse-ridin' steers
I'm not pickin' up Memphis
how could you seriously see them here
got the hopes of schools up, Floridas South and Central too
they'd fit here as poorly as West Virginia
but they think they're TCU
now surely you could not see us
picking up some mid-tier school
we've got a pretty little thing
money pouring in
and we don't have no Boise room
I'm just fuckin' with Texas
keepin' the Longhorns back on their heels
I'm not signin' up Memphis
none of this was ever real
now we'll put Bison on the table
we'll keep Huskies in the air
and BYU will be glad to join us
but they haven't got a praaaaaaaayer
(even though they blew out Texas)
sure the Cougars play like winners
better than Kansas ever would
and they think they'd do real well here
and they'll ask me if they could
just look at the numbers
and I told them I just might
they said, "tell me will be admitted?