Back to the NCAA Newsfeed

DEAR SHAWN OAKMAN: PLEASE DO NOT GET AN OCTOPUS

THAT'S NOT A PET, IT'S A LONESOME EIGHT-ARMED KILLER WANDERING THE PLAINS

Shawn Oakman has three American Bulldogs and a pet python named "Baloo." The 6'9" Oakman reportedly wears the snake around his neck while walking around Waco, a sight that only reinforces the image of Texas as a place where large breed humans go to play bit characters from Mad Max movies. (Baylor also has a 400 pound tight end, so sure, Baylor's subtitle for the 2015 season is basically already "FURY ROAD: A FILM BY ART BRILES.")

He also wants another pet, something we will warn him against shortly.