A TRUE STORY THAT'S ONLY MILDLY SACRILEGIOUS
BILL CUBIT, waking up with a start: Where am I? This isn't my house!
ST. PETER: Welcome to the hereafter, Bill.
BILL CUBIT: But that can't be! I'm not even retirement age, and my doctor told me I'm healthier than most men half my age!
ST. PETER: There, there, Bill. It's okay. If it's any consolation, you actually died late last summer.
BILL CUBIT: That's impossible! I was interim head coach for Illinois last season, and we finished surprisingly well when you consider the circumstances. A bowl game would have been nice, sure, but we worked hard for those five wins, and that's why the administration rewarded me with the full time gig.