YOU'RE NOT MOVING FOR A WHILE, SO FIND THE GAME THAT MATCHES YOUR DOOMED SCENARIO
YOU ARE TRAPPED BENEATH A BOULDER ON AN UNMARKED TRAIL IN THE HIGH SIERRAS: STANFORD AT MICHIGAN
Dammit you thought Stanford was the one who always went to Corvallis and lost but nope, that's USC. Stanford's won their last five in a row against better Oregon State teams than this one, the one that lost 35-7 to transitional Michigan with serious offensive deficiencies.
Stanford will still regress because it is Stanford on the road. David Shaw will punt from the opponent's 30 yard line; Kevin Hogan will throw for like, eighty yards.