On Monday afternoon, the Wizards introduced Dwight Howard, the coup de grâce of an offseason that also saw the team add two polarizing players in Austin Rivers and Jeff Green. Now there's Dwight, who met reporters in D.C. and explained his career path like so, "I learned Magic for eight years. Went to La-La Land. Worked for a while with Rockets. Learned to fly with some Hawks. Got stung by the Hornets. And it all taught me how to be a Wizard."
This is real. This is happening. The 7–foot human whoopee cushion is here to lead the Wizards for at least the next 12 months.