I think I'd write a rap song. That's how I'd do it. I'm 18, a high school football sensation, and I've got the big-name college coaches waiting and palpitating for my decision. So, with my family, classmates, coaches and Channel 5's Frank Cusumano on hand, I'd have Nelly and the St. Lunatics come out onto a stage, performing a medley of turn-of-the-century songs, naturally ending with the song entitled “No. 1.”
And then, I'd appear – Benjamin Hochman, the Jewish Sonny Jurgensen – and I'd unleash a lyrical tornado worthy of both BET and The Weather Channel. And in the final line of my performance, I would announce, triumphantly, that I'm taking my talents to South Dakota State.