Editors Note: This story is satirical, meaning that it is not true. We do not condone nor recommend the behaviors of this article. Please enjoy Loons games safely and responsibly, no matter how painful they may be.
It is with great sadness that we note the passing of our beloved analytics contributor, Colin O’Donnell, following his research for this week’s article that included drinking a shot of bourbon each time he remarked, “WTF IS HE DOING” as the result of an inexplicable error by a Loon.
Please prepare for my article where I rewatch the #VANvMIN debacle while playing everyone’s favorite drinking game, “Shots when you ask wtf a #mnufc player is doing” @EPluribusLoonum
— Colin O’Donnell, but a current name meme (@theattachment) July 29, 2018
The cause of death, according to officials at Hennepin County Medical Center, was organ failure due to extreme blood toxicity, a result of what officials described to be a record-smashing 2.