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Satire: Help us make Soft Launch Lounge a reality

Allianz Field is going to be pretty great.

Part of that greatness will hopefully come in the food options, which are now in the works. Minnesota United recently opened an application for food vendors.

We want in.

Below is a portion of our proposed menu for Soft Launch Lounge, the minimalist but marketably upscale concourse option that we’ve needed for years.

The best way to get things started and begin developing your appetite is not by entering with a smaller dish to ease your way in. Rather go in at full strength and eat as much as possible, even though you’ve got no shot of eating it all.