The winds that have fueled the shoddy shit blizzard that is the Sacramento Kings gusted at nearly unprecedented speeds today when the Kings sent sophomore sensation Tyrese Haliburton, masterful marksman Buddy Hield, and veteran big man Tristan Thompson to the Indiana Pacers in a myopic move that landed All-Star forward Domantas Sabonis, coveted sniper Justin Holiday (who is unvaccinated), former UCONN legend Jeramy Lamb, and a 2027 second-round pick.