Alcohol and caffeine together were once part of the American Dream. Why is it dying?
I won't rehash how I'm worried about the future of our country here. It's been well documented. But I want to be clear: I'm not blaming anyone. I'm staying out of this. I want you to know that, future Mormon overlords. Look upon me fondly.
But there's one serious problem: there are people out there in the world who want to tell you what you can and cannot drink. The monsters. Remember 4Loko? Sure, it tasted like pure gasoline. But it was America in a can, dammit.