If I've said it once, I've said it 1000 times, Kirk Cousins, for all his good graces, winning smile, infectious attitude, and repressed anger simply can't put asses in seats.
Jim Delany, a likely avid user of the Craigslist "personals" section, has now ventured into the "for hire," section to get some actual humans to come to the Big Ten Championship game. I'm thinking he could drum up even more support if he put this listing in the Male for Male category and played to the obvious homoeroticism involved with passionate men tackling equally passionate men to the ground in tight pants. Just a thought Jimmy.
Before the listing was tweeked, it was even more obvious that the Big Ten will be paying vagrants $75 a pop to watch their best play football:
Saturday night event in downtown Indianapolis needs seat-fillers. Total number of seat-fillers needed will vary based on crowd.
Must tolerate loud noise and crowds. Must have red or dark green casual clothing to wear. Event will last all evening on Saturday night. All ages, sexes, races, etc.
Who would have thought that a game that is 10 BCS spots removed from national relevance and played in neither team's hometown would fail to garner the hullabaloo necessary to put 80,000 people in the stands? The good news is the Big Ten has taken to seat-filling Oscar night strategies to lend some credibility to the game. My aunt Tilly will be impressed, but she'll also be waiting for Billy Crystal to sing a medley with Merryl Streep and Lady Gaga, which might be more exciting than this game come to think of it.
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