Heisman Contenders and Holiday Blockbuster Babes

I have some terrible, terrible news for Michigan fans.  You're not going to like it and you're definitely going to cry.  I know this because I'm weeping as I type this: Denard Robinson is not going to win the Heisman this year.  I know you're shocked and appalled, but it's about time we moved on.  I just suggest we do so the only way I,and every other person who writes a blog know how, by comparing the Heisman contenders to something.

It's nearly the holiday season and with the holiday season comes a bunch of movies that Jewish people will watch on Christmas eve while Christians argue with family and wish they were with the Jewish people at the movies.  With those movies come fantastic babes and with those babes comes one habitual babe scene where she's wearing almost no clothes.  I'd like to take you through the holiday movie lineup and the associated babes, with the help of our Heisman contenders

Brandon Weeden - Kristen Stewart - Twilight: Breaking Dawn - They're both a little pale, albeit for different reasons.  I think Stewart is an actual vampire and I'm certain that Brandon Weeden is a ginger.  Weeden's numbers may wow you but you can't help think he's the product of a great system.  I feel the same way about Stewart in that no one would be gaga over her if she wasn't part of this Twilight business.  We'd all just see her as a pale person with potential vampire teeth, which is frightening.

(every picture of her looks like this. smile. you're worth much, much more money than you'd ever deserve and that should make anyone at least a little bit smiley)

Landry Jones - Jessica Beil - New Year's Eve - They're both in the "I'm really good but everyone has forgot about me because I haven't done anything really successful in a while." That could all change quickly if Oklahoma wins Bedlam. Even if Landry loses Bedlam, as of the April NFL draft both Landry and Jessica will also be in the "I haven't done anything you've been impressed with, but I'm also richer than you'll be ever be," category.

Andrew Luck - Scarlett Johansson - We bought a Zoo - Luck, like Johansson puts on a show every time he steps into the spotlight.  We should expect nothing less from ScarJo this holiday season.  Luck and Johansson almost always deliver, quarterback play and hotness respectively, no matter if you like the outcome of the movie/football game (see Oregon).

Trent Richardson -  Rachel McAdams - Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - You know what you're getting with Richardson and McAdams.  As sure as you can expect Richardson to average 5 YPC you can expect Rachel McAdams to make you say, "That's an attractive woman, maybe not the most attractive woman I've ever seen, but an attractive woman nonetheless."

Robert Griffin III - Charlize Theron - The Young Adult - Griffin has been consistently good this year but you're never really sure what you're going to get from the Bears team on a week-to-week basis.  In the same way, you never have any clue whether Charlize is going to look like like Voldemort or the hot little number below.  She's a wild card, like Griffin and his Bears.

Case Keenum - Ashley Greene - Warrior's Heart - Keenum's stastics are certainly gaudy enough to get him in the Heisman discussion.  Ashley's attractiveness is enough to get her in most conversations that I have.  Case and Ashley are a little too unknown/untested at this point to pull in any significant hardware.

Kellen Moore - Rooney Mara - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Kellen's Heisman chances are now dead, but before his loss to TCU, he was the darkhorse.  He was the player that no one outside of Boise wanted to see in the championship game but if he got there, we was almost certain to perform, as he always does.  Rooney is equally dark, with an equally weird name with persumably an equal amount of ass tattoos as Kellen.

Who will be the Heisman winner, you ask?  Everything is fluid right now, but as long as Brandon Weeden keeps winning, he'll take home the hardware. That will be tough to do with Oklahoma and potentially LSU on the schedule but if we've learned anything from the terrible and successful Twilight franchise (and Harry Potter for that matter), the impossible is possible when you're dealing with pale people, gingers and werewolves.