Since the NFL combine is football porn anyway, this post will inevitably hit the internet. Why shouldn't the poster be me and why shouldn't I guarantee this post is littered with the grammar mistakes and misspellings you've come to expect from me.
Quick question: What was the difference in 40 time when wearing testicle-compressing shorts vs. regular shorts? Second quick question: What's the average time watching a bunch of dudes running in testicle-compressing shorts before the average man begins to have new, unwanted feelings about what he's watching? Third quick question: Has there ever been a less entertaining facet of any sport, that while un-entertaining is still impossible to turn away from, than the broad jump? The first question probably has an answer. The second probably varies based on the dude watching. The answer to the third question is NASCAR qualifying, but only for those with under 26 chromosomes.
Here we go:
Vick Ballard - Mississippi State - RB
Nigel Bradham - Florida State - LB
Orlandus Branch - Clemson - DE - Nothing more phallic than a tree branch.
Lavon Brazill - Ohio - WR - The next in a long line of stars with names that sound like places but are spelled slightly differently.
Fletcher Cox - Mississippi - DT
B.J. Cunningham - Michigan State - WR
Drake Dunsmore - Northwestern - TE - This porn name list operate on a "no Drake left behind," policy.
Winston Guy - Kentucky - SS
Jewel Hampton - Southern Illinois - RB
Chandler Harnisch - Northern Illinois - QB - This guy could fill a role in any blueblood related porn. Rich heir + maid. CEO + secretary. Medieval prince + serving wench. They all work.
Qualin 'Dont'a" Hightower - Alabama - ILB
Jayron Hosley - Virginia Tech - CB
Duke Ihenacho - San Jose St. - SS - I'm envisioning food fetish related films. Deliciously erotic and covered in melted cheese.
Ace Jackson - Cal Poly St. - DB
Cameron Johnson - Virginia - DE -
Marvin McNutt - Iowa - WR - He'll always appear as an insatiable fry cook or an insatiable leprechaun.
Vaughan Meatoga - Hawaii - DT - MEAT. TOGA. Imagine the possibilities.
Isaiah Pead - Cincinnati - RB - Celebrity interlopers include R. Kelly and Fergie...
Brian Quick - Appalachain St. - WR - Finally, a porn star that would make the rest of us feel good about ourselves.
Quentin Saulsberry - Mississippi St. - OG - You can never have enough meatloaf themed porn. Believe me...
Ryan Steed - Furman - DB - This guy might actually be in porn.
Tahir Whitehead - Temple - LB
Johnnie Troutman - Penn St. - OG - He could really open up the much anticipated angling genre.
Let me know who I missed in the comments.
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