Extra, extra! Read all about it!
Back when I wasn’t alive, allegedly vendors would stand on street corners and try to sell things called newspapers! Apparently people usually weren’t interested, so they would pull out all the tricks to get people to buy their papers. Inventing tales about dragons, exaggerating the actual boring news of the day...whatever it was, the customers ate it up.
As the last investigative reporter in the world (they’ve all gone over to screenwriting), I can report that and truly extraordinary event happened on May 29th, 2018 in Detroit, Michigan.