OAKLAND -- Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today not to, as the Purple One once famously said, "get through this thing called life." Besides, Prince was a Vikings fan.
No, on what very well might be the final Raiders game in Oakland, against those dreaded Denver Donkeys, er, Broncos, we assemble to bid adieu to an eyesore. A mausoleum, not a Coliseum. A death trap for vermin (skunks and mice and possums, oh my) and hopes (one winning Raiders season since 2002, really?) alike.
But, to paraphrase the Bard, we come here bury the Coliseum, which is a mere 52 years old, not to slam it.