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Player Ratings to the Theme of Hair Bands

The season got under way last night, and with the baldest guys ESPN has on offer, Dan Shulman and Dick Vitale, broadcasting the game, I figured we could up the ante and rate the players according to something those two would be envious of: hair. And what better modern (?) interpretation of what hair is than comparing something to 1980’s “heavy metal” hair bands. Let’s go.

5 Stars: Motley Crue.

Motley Crue is the top hair band of all time. You can’t dispute this. With hit records like Shout at the Devil, Theatre of Pain, and Dr.