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The Royals have to start playing better — now

A while back I had a doctor’s appointment and it was politely suggested that I could stand to lose some weight; I waddled over to the doctor and promised I would. At my next doctor’s appointment I was told I’d gained 7 pounds. To me, the answer was obvious: there had to be something wrong with the doctor’s scales.

An alternative theory is that I eat too much and don’t exercise enough.

Since covering the Royals I’ve put on weight, and I like to blame the food in the pressbox; they feed us like we’re going to the electric chair in the morning.