If a person were only to have seen the first inning of tonight's game, he or she would likely have assumed that it was the first of nine chapters of The Dong Show.
The Racists came to the plate in the top of the first, and by the time cleanup hitter Ryan Rayburn (what?) stepped into the box, Cleveland sported a two-run lead thanks to a dong hanging of the two-run variety from the hard wood of Michael Brantley's bat. Rayburn and Brandon Moss both went down to follow the Brantley dong, but it took Royals' starter Jason Vargas 11 pitches to take care of them, giving the aforementioned theoretical viewer who only watched through the first inning the distinct impression that the Cleveland nine (who are obviously in the feeling-things-out stage of a move to the Maritime Provinces) were about to kick off a prolific show of dong-hanging feats of strength.