On the day the battle-scarred troops under Capt. Patrick Mahomes’ steely command emerged victorious over a ragtag band of Raiders from Oakland, the young, curly-haired leader called for a celebratory feast.
“We have laid waste to the homeless marauders,” he scribed to his general over Twitter. “Skunk treats and fermented possum milk for all!”
Sumptuous, to be sure, compared to their rations of “salted bull testicles.”
The dispatches come from the parody Twitter handle @CaptMahomesII, created by a Kansas City Chiefs fan writing as a Civil War officer and growing in popularity with every victory.