Listen up, farm-animal-fornicators. I got something to say and I want you to be sitting down—preferably fetal—when you hear it.
Iowa is gonna go 14-0, 10-0, 11-0 on the year. Mark it down, chickenfuckers. While the Big Ten was back, then not, then back again, Iowa’s players and coaches were busy conducting CrossFit classes over Zoom.
Many have lamented the Big Ten’s construction of its own prison. To rehash quick: In July, the conference progressively released an abbreviated 10-game schedule that reeked of incest. Less than two weeks later, the B1G c4nc3ll3d the season outright.
Under the false pretenses that other conferences also preferred the smell of their own farts over the smell of your money, Big Ten officials watched Iowa State get shitstomped at home by Louisiana, and decided they couldn’t miss out on that kind of action.