Comrades! Incorruptible voice of people’s football team of Texas has returned after highly successful goodwill tour of allies in Eastern Europe, whose love of Houston Texans is only surpassed by loyal fans and players of our beloved city!
Is heartening to see people have rallied behind our great leader, Comrade Marshal O’Brien, with team now fully united under his unerring and unending leadership. For good reason, too. Is feat rarely seen in football to have coaching staff that provides such excessive consistency on yearly basis, especially from coaching staff that has been beset by saboteurs like traitorous general manager [REDACTED], whose name will be ignored by history and forgotten by lunchtime Friday.