Comrades! We stand triumphant in face of overwhelming mediocrity! Hapless Chargers, who were stolen from San Diego, have been vanquished by force of will of people of Houston through mighty Texans! Has been reported via multiple sources, even though no decrepit legacy media outlets would dare to report it, that known crybaby and child producer Philip Rivers spent solid three hours demanding referees overturn numerous calls after game. These sources, who Ministry trusts implicitly and so should you, state that Rivers followed referees into Los Angeles Airport and attempted to board plane but was thwarted by security; most likely security guards were avid fans of people’s football team of Texas!
Houston Sports Ministry of Information Week Four Preview - Carolina Panthers
