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Satire: Upper Deck cites lack of role as reason for transfer

University infrastructure across the nation was collectively shook Friday — not from forces of tectonics, nor a raucous capacity crowd — but when senior seating-option Upper Deck revealed plans to transfer from UH.

The bombshell announcement comes just hours after the Cougars blew a 17-0 halftime lead en route to inevitably falling to Memphis 42-38. Sparingly used yet again, like much of his four seasons at the University, the once highly-touted balcony says its time for a change — although no decision has been made on where the senior will land.

Visibly frustrated and utterly neglected, Deck took to the podium to address media Friday.