Jeebus. Who would have thought? I mean, yeah, I'm processing all the negative feelings that come with having lost the division to South Oklahoma, but when Cole Hamels titted out and rejected a trade to the Astros to join the Northwest Louisiana Rangers, there was a turn in the season narrative. "Nobody believed in us!" said the team with the $170m payroll and three future Hall of Famers. "We - the Southwest Arkansas Ramgers came and took it." Bastards. I hope they all get pink eye from rubbing their crotches on each other's pillows and I wish nothing but a lifetime of rocking back and forth with a Windex bottle of toilet wine as they mutter "One Strike Away" for the rest of the miserable lives they lead, in traffic.
Your Playoff-Bound Houston Astros
